can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
