shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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