pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it hurts more in the daytime
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
