he told me I talked like a deaf person
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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