We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
