youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
