i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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