he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my shit smells like andre
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
