If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
please come you make the beer taste better
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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