We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
