When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
