Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
