just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
