Please, let me fuck your mom
we made out on top of his cat.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
