They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
