So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
