Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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