it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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