There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
