I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
