i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
