buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
