I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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