i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
