you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
