So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize