Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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