You're my little dorito
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize