you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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