You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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