The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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