If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is Oprah even human
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
