You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
