I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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