he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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