My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
