There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
