you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
