Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
