Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
