I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
