So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
