I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
