ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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