Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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