you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
