I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
