This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
