Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
