For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
