Can i not drive my cunt home
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
