I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
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