you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
