He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize