i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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