I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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