Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
