I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
