I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
