dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
MIDGETS
????
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
