her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
