real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
