eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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