Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He felt like a one man threesome
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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