shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
