idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
