you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
