So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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