i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
