So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
