Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
