we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
