I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
